Twitter

Everybody thinks the concept of Twitter was invented in the early 2000s. Not so! There has always been a medium for brief, pithy statements that, aside from the person making the statement, absolutely no one anywhere gives a fuck about. What is it? Bumper stickers. Bumper stickers are the pre-Twitter Twitter. It's the medium you used before Twitter to tell everyone the most bullshitty uninteresting statement you can. Seriously, do you walk into a room full of strangers and announce that you love your dog? We don't even know you. Why would we care whether or not you love your dog? And even if we knew you, and knew you HAD a dog, wouldn't we assume that you loved it? Twitter is the exact same fucking thing. Little bits of information that are relevant only to you, that you share with the world to get that little tiny rush of endorphins that your body gives you when you think about something you like. Like how I can mention a big, juicy, medium-rare steak, and you're suddenly salivating. It's cool to love your dog. It's cool that your kid is an honor student. It's cool that your kid can beat up my honor student. It's cool you support Mitt Romney. Or Barack Obama. Or John McCain (seriously though take that one off, it's been years since it was relevant). It's cool to do anything you want to do. Just don't walk into a room full of people and shout it. Nobody cares, unless they're your friend, and if they're your friend, they already know.